After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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