Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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