i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He felt like a one man threesome
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
