i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have tasted many bathrooms
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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