loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
