Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
