Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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