I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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