sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
