She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
