a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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