And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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