I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
