Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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