I'm lost and stupid without you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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