areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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