I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why is your signature on my underwear?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
