I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
