The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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