He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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