u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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