When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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