I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
