she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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