Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
