Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
