im about as happy as oj after his trial
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
