so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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