So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
