I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
