I just pynch a tree in the face
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
