East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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