She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
