anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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