So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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