My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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