I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
