You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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