Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
