he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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