There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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