we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
