Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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