guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
