My friends, they love my intelligence
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
