I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
