4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
