How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
These tits shall not be calmed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
