I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
