when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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