This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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