went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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